I can't believe this is happening right now. I am sitting here crying and I feel an ache in my chest. Seriously, I can not believe this is happening. I am such a dumb girl to half way think that he had any feelings or cared about me in any way. Why would I and why am I doing this to myself? I manage to convince myself during the day that I am not going to try and contact him but without fail I do ... try at least!
All day today everytime I thought about him I told myself that I wasn't going to call, text or message him! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! So, I sent him a text @ 12:22 and I know he received because it said delivered @ 12:23. I don't get a response which is normal. So, I wait and tell myself if he doesn't call everything will be ok. but he doesn't call so, I see that he is on FB so, I message him and waited and 5 minutes later he is logged off. So, now I am lying in bed crying and writing while I feel rejected! I did this to myself! I should've gone the rest of my life not knowing he existed but it's too late for that now. I just don't understand. I don't get it. I don't get how or why he is doing this to me. Is he punishing me for what I did to him? That is just mean. I told the truth and I accepted the fact that I wasn't going to talk to him again but NO. He had to call me back. Why did he say for some reason I like talking to you? Why has he continued to talk to me? Why did he act like he may still like me? Why did I lie to myself? Why have I been staying up half the night just in case he calls? I should know better than to let him do this to me. Why can't he just talk to me and be honest so, I can get over him? I mean I get it ..... he doesn't want to talk but why can't he just tell me instead of ignoring me? I keep replaying our conversations in my head and he never led me to think that he didn't want to talk to me until tonight and he made it perfectly clear! I get it! I am just a stupid girl that is hung up on this boy she barely knows.
So, I lay here crying because I will never hear his voice again and that makes me so sad! Why am I such a stupid girl?
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