Landon

I knew that I would marry Landon that morning but I kept it a secret and began to focus on developing our friendship and we became very close.  I would notice myself making up excuses to just to be around him.  Finally,  I told him that we needed to talk and I just shared my feelings that I liked him and I would like it if we could start dating again.
This time was different Landon had matured and we were both ready for a real relationship.  We gave eachother our hearts.  I noticed that when I gave him my heart it was banged up a little but he got all of it.  We were married about 2 years later all of my family loved him. They would go on and on about how lucky I was to have him. I began to doubt myself in the relationship and began to think back and ask was God really telling me marry Landon or was that me because everyone seems to think he deserves better.  My heart was being pricked at by all of these people slowly taking it away from Landon. I continued to doubt that I was supposed to be his wife.  We fought a lot.  He tried to reassure me that he loved me and I was the one for him but I could see the truth in what people were saying.  We started our marraige out with my damaged heart, a lot of debt and not enough money to pay the bills.  My heart started to build anger and frustration inside. I was going crazy I couldn't do it  .  Durinng this time he started acting funny about what he was doing and being weird about his phone so one night after he fell asleep I noticed calls and text messages from this number who turned out to be Summer some girl I did not know.  My heartbroke right then because I was sacrificing myself for him and being a good wife while he was talking to another girl.  I had to wait until I had proof before I confronted him and my heart broke more everyday.  Even though I had proof he says nothing happened and won't tell me to this day.  I moved on but never forgot!  We decided it was time to start a family.  We both had great jobs so, it just seemed like the right time.  I became pregnant and Landon and I grew closer to eachother.  He treated me great and everything was going to be wonderful from then on.  Well, 2 months after Ryan was born Landon lost his job. I took on a 2nd job and did that for 6 months.  He finally found a job but my heart was getting harder. I resented him for the fact I had to work two jobs while he did nothing.  Not to mention I had post-parturm depression,  I had a newborn so sleep wasn't happening and I was full of resentfullness.  That did not make for a happy marriage.  I began going downhill not being able to handle things and eventually was no longer to work becasue of my depression.  Now we live with my parents and he hates me because we live here and I hate him because he talks down to me and his very critical of everything I do. I don't receive compliments and never get genuine affection.  We don't say I love you and we don't sleep in the same bed.  After 9 years of marriage I am not so sure we can make it. He tramples on my already broken heart!